my fav word recently must be ‘haish’. I notice that I say it at least 5 times a day or something.
over the past few weeks I’ve learnt that I’m actually really stupid. I guess the whole ‘u are so clever’ thing kinda got to my head previously when ppl praised me. I never saw myself as a genius but I thought I wasn’t slow. but CS1101S has totally transformed this view lol. I find myself taking ages to write programs (although I do complete my missions in the end which is honestly God’s doings cuz until now I still can’t believe that I am completing my missions on time). even if i’ve read the textbook I can’t seem to efficiently apply the knowledge with regards to writing my programs.
as a result, I’ve been neglecting my other mods quite a fair bit which shouldn’t be the case at all. CS1231 is really important but I’ve barely done anything for it. I think if I only took CS1101S for this semester it’s not like it will make much of a difference because I’ll just put in more time into it, and not like that will necessarily translate into better results lol.
I keep telling myself that it’s going to get better as I gain more and more exposure in programming. but then everyone tells me that the mods are just going to get harder and harder and I’m like ok, good to know… idk if it’s the way I study or the way I think or just that I’m not suited to do computing lor. which is totally different from the common mindset that ppl who are good at math can program well hahaha. or maybe it’s just an illusion. maybe I’m not good at math. GCE MATH IS A LIEEEEE
bec of CS1101S I’ve been neglecting my social life and sacrificing sleep and meals which is pretty extreme. last night I was so stressed that the stress level kept increasing and increasing until a certain point when the stress suddenly just disappeared. like u keep pumping air into a balloon then suddenly it just bursts with a ‘pop’. I reflected on what kind of life I was leading and realised that it’s absolutely ridiculous that I have to stay up so late to do work and make my mum worry and neglect whatsapp messages. like a few nights ago I went to reply this friend whom I didn’t reply to for ages then found out that he developed a serious health problem while I was MIA-ing. then I felt like what was I doing not being there for him when he was facing all of that?? I felt selfish, irresponsible and heartless. and honestly I’ve been postponing my hair treatment for so long it’s a wonder that my hair hasn’t died yet. omgosh I also seriously need a facial ASAP.
haish. I’ve been living without a life.
for these 2 days I was thinking of whether I should switch to CS1010 but I have a weird feeling that CS1010 will be the same if not worse haha. at least the missions for CS1101S only have like a few questions. what if CS1010 assignment is like 10 over questions liddat? die liao lor.
I also think the problem is not really about whether it’s CS1101S or CS1010. it’s about my affinity with programming. and currently I must say that there is barely anything there haha. I mean if I had all the time in the world I would probably love this module so much cuz I would have so much time to just read up, experiment with different programs, practise and practise and practise etc. but I don’t. rn this module is the toughest module for me. it’s like CS1101S is hell and MA1521 is not even heaven, but some random patch of grass with nothing else on it. (I know my analogy is super weird haha) it’s like MA1521 is doing differentiation now and revising so much of A level stuff that I have alr internalised since like secondary school. I’ve caught on so much to the momentum of CS1101S (or probably still trying to catch on) that MA1521 seems like some kiddy thing that I’m not even motivated to touch anymore. but that being said I like the MA1521 lecturer hehe. he’s quite funny.
that being said I still think computing is really interesting lah. just that I probably have to eat my multivitamins more regularly now to make myself smarter and focus better haha. if u stupid just have to work harder lor. but I’ve decided to go back to my original lifestyle and sleep at 11pm and talk to ppl and care for my friends instead of staring at the computer screen all day and being an unqualified geek. cuz I wanna live a life that is worth living yeah. if I dun do well I guess it doesn’t matter, cuz I’m trying my best. and I know it’ll all be part of God’s plan. ok lah, CAP not good still can find job lah. just work for a film company lor, since I joining nuSTUDIOS. (I’m kidding but at the same time I’m also serious)
trying not to fixate myself onto earthly desires, but focus on what’s eternal. what’s uni as compared to the kingdom of God.
no matter how busy u make me, u can never stop me from doing QT!! NEVERRR
ps I’m trying out this new thing which is to study in school and rest at home. not study in school and study at home or rest in school and study at home. u get what I mean haha. which means I will stay in school until 9 plus every day and do intense non-stop mugging then come home at night and chill out. it’s probably not going to make me have more time to do my work but at least I can have a proper liveable lifestyle that I’m happy with ˆᴗˆ
ok now that I’m at home I shall go and 冲个凉 and 睡个觉! liveable lifestyle!!
will update soon yeah