blessed. so blessed

finally ended my film project OMGOSH. was so touched when we finally uploaded the film to VImeo. stayed up all night ytd to complete it. feeling super shagged rn but for some reason I keep smiling ^^

I’m really grateful that this sem I have super awesome groupmates for my projects! first it’s the CUBEY cuties with whom I am so comfortable with just talking nonsense LOL. then it’s my film team which is super nice to me and treats me like a little sister heehee. and all my other groups have nice and committed group members who are so awesome ^^

I guess the rigour of projects for these few weeks does pay off in the form of invaluable friendships and skills learnt. although they are time-consuming, but I don’t regret taking up these modules / projects ˆᴗˆ

I’m surviving on 2 hours of sleep from last night. that’s why I think I’m high rn. I’m high when I’m deprived of sleep haha. 

I think ytd I was telling veggie that I’m seriously so blessed to have him in my life <3 he’s utterly cute and convos with this adorable 弟弟 never fail to brighten up my day and relieve my uni stress~

feel like crying now… i’m so so so blessed to be ur 姐姐 :’) HUGGYYYYYYYY

I’m so glad to have found Yina and Mabbu from school too ^^ we share the same sense of humour which is the best thing ever because our meetings are always filled with laughter haha. u all are so retarded lol.

recently reconnected with Joshua too and realised that we have so much in common it’s super cool. he’s like a grown up version of me haha. but finally, someone who actually understands… I feel like I’ve found a spiritual mentor for myself at last :’) convos with him are the best cuz they are so enlightening~ so blessed to have u around ˆᴗˆ

I’ll sum up by saying that I’m really glad to have awesome ppl around me nowadays, whether it’s the retarded friends who always make me laugh like crazy, or just simply genuine ppl who embrace me for who I am… I love all of u. 

<3

u all are truly appreciated. 

overcomplicating my life

it shouldn’t have happened. 

I’m tired of all this drama. I just want to live my life peacefully, without having to think about all these. I’m so exhausted.

I wanted to start afresh. but it’s so difficult cuz a huge part of me dwells in the past. past mistakes, past regrets… I haven’t really been able to move from there. 

why is it so hard to not care? why haven’t I been able to let go? why am I still entangled in the things that I want to forget? 

I’m completely drained out. 

this was what I wanted, right? 

starting to doubt. 

it’s kinda scary that I’m embarking on a new phase in life rn. there are so many exciting experiences. but I’m just a bit intimidated. 

I can’t seem to be able to find a way to think about life at its current stage. I’m not sure if I’m happy or sad. all that I know is that I’m still trying to find my place. 

what are my priorities? and how can things fall in place so that I can live a fulfilling life? I feel like now is the time when I’m expected to figure all these things out.  

how can I organise my life such that I can cater to all my needs? what should I keep and what should I forsake? what kind of goal should I be trying to achieve? 

I guess I always knew that this day would come, when I would doubt whether this was what I wanted. 

sleep

i’ve never thought so much about the topic of sleep before in my entire life.

a while ago my bro’s friend was talking with us about how youths nowadays like to change their jobs frequently because they are always looking for more work-life balance. i guess i’ve always thought work-life balance is good, and this made me think again.

my mum cannot sleep without knowing that i’m asleep. this used to bother me a lot because i couldn’t stay up to do my homework. and it’s not like i could do anything about it cuz my mum would know if i secretly woke up to study. over time, i just decided to let my mum sleep. it was mentally and emotionally exhausting to have to hide from her all the time.

but obviously this didn’t work out. i was rapidly falling behind in classes. it didn’t help that in JC i was heavily involved in choir. and i had a rich social life. so i basically flunked my acads.

i guess JC taught me to really focus. i learnt a lot and i wanted to do so much better in uni. but no matter how hard i try, it’s hard to catch up with the syllabus for some reason. for instance, i cannot seem to get CS1231. i find the proving questions in tutorials really difficult :( and i barely have enough time to read the textbook and practise the questions, which is what i seriously need to do now.

i’m finally back home from doing a robotics mission with my friends. i’m super tired and i’ve been having a headache since this morning. and we haven’t even completed the mission. i still have CS1231 tutorial to do.

should i do it? because if i do so, my mum won’t be able to sleep. but is it the right thing to not do tutorial? should i start to stay up more from now on? i see many uni peeps studying in school until super late. and i know a lot of my computing seniors sleep super late. am i expected to be like them in the future? will i be considered lazy if i choose not to stay up to do work?

i’m super confused and i need an answer. deep inside me i don’t want to stay up. but is it me being too stubborn? is work-life balance really a luxury? how am i supposed to continue to have a life at this rate? or should i just sleep anyway?