slept late cuz I was chionging cs2100 webcasts. and woke up with the most horrible feeling ever. poo was black and flaky for the first time (which freaked me out) but luckily it was just an indigestion thing. managed to reach school at 9.30am to meet the friendly baristas at Reedz who totally 100% rmb me and my standard order – iced caramel latte~
cs1020 lecture was ok cuz did A LOT of recursion in cs1101s last sem so. but I realize I have forgotten how to convert recursive process to iterative process >< I used to do it all the time (cuz of space complexity teehee) which made my avenger complain that it’s difficult to read my programs LOL. but iterative version also correct what. and save space. so I stuck to it haha. it was so much easier for me to visualise and trace (I have a feeling I have mentioned this before) my algorithm so ya.
then did cs2100 tutorial and presented Q2. made a grave error by mistaking instruction encoding to memory address retrieval so got one question wrong. and even challenged the TA’s answer then realized my stupid mistake LOL. then after tutorial I went to find my GET groupmates. thought we would work on the CR but ended up discussing more stuff (which was good actually) and watching mattress adverts, one of it was hilariously inappropriate LOL.
went for GET conference and we didn’t have many questions to ask so there were a lot of awkward silences. I kept trying to dig out questions to ask but regretted in the end cuz some of those were pretty 牵强 oopsies >< after conference we discussed a bit more then parted ways, so I went to COM2 to wait for Kat and Veggie to arrive.
when they came we ate and I showed them around computing ˆᴗˆ it’s the third time I’m doing this SoC tour thingum for a friend LOL. then we went to MRB to talk cuz I was a bit shy to go back to Reedz since I alr went this morning >< I have this emotional affinity towards MRB and HSSML I realize ˆᴗˆ then we went to Botanics to take MRT home and made a super funny joke which made me laugh LIKE MAD.
I’m not sure if it’s actually that funny or cuz I’m tired today but ya it goes like this. so Kat was asking me what time I need to wake up tmr so being the crazy girl I was tonight I didn’t answer her but squeaked ‘wake up!’ then she gave me that looking-at-a-crazy-senior face and suddenly i was like OMGOSH YOU SHOULD CALL YOUR KID WEIKAP. then veggie was like LOH WEI KAP WAKE UP! then I started to laugh like MAD. I was like ya omgosh u dun even have to tell ur kid to wake up u just call his name!!
ya anyway some ppl will know that when I’m stressed I can’t stop laughing so ya I think it’s cuz of sleep deprivation, bad menstrual cramps and bloating as well as school and psle stress (teaching Chinese, HCL and Science ><) in fact ytd I actually cried while confiding into Jiahui after GEH tutorial ohmy. like right smack in the middle of Town Plaza where everyone could see. so today I’m just going to sleep early man. cannot tahan alr. ma1101r tutorial I’m sorry, I can’t do u tonight.
that sounded so wrong.
took me quite some effort to settle some matters of the heart (for my friends) until 4am this morning before I slept. maybe it’s cuz I’m currently in this heartbroken state when it just feels incredibly empty and lost. sigh, when you’re weak urself, how can u be strong for others?
anyway ya had a severe lack of sleep so I decided to sleep in and as a result I missed my cs1020 lecture. woke up to a nonreply from a friend so I assumed that he was upset and didn’t wanna talk to me. decided to send him an apologetic explanation of what was going on.
attempted computer organisation tutorial afterwards but only managed to complete 2 out of 5 questions. maybe cuz I was super worried about my friend and also cuz it’s programming in assembly language. like I alr suck at high-level languages then u ask me to use MIPS???
seriously tried my best to do as much as possible cuz I even decided to finally let my mum drive me to school in order to maximise the time I had to do tutorial?? but tutorial class was so difficult to understand today I barely followed half of what he taught. or maybe it’s cuz I am in such a bad state today.
when critical thinking tutorial came I realized that my mind was almost blank? couldn’t give much input for the group discussions and felt very irritated by the amount of digressing my group members did zzz. I must admit I was in a foul mood by then.
currently walking home and feeling terrible. later still have to play tennis with my dad oh gosh. I hope tmr will be much better than today. meeting that lovely bunch of friends and studying tgt… I think it’ll be great ˆᴗˆ
so glad midterms are over. felt OK about them (except for linear algebra) but wait till I get the results HAHAHA.
had dinner w ziqi this week and found out that a few ppl (I never ever ever ever expected) left church??? and I’m like still in shock. like seriously.
what is going on…?
but now that I think of it wow one of the ppl who left actually told me (2 years ago) that he felt that there is a reason why God planned for me to leave church.
*plays dramatic music*
but anyway ya had a nice chat with ziqi. I guess it’s the experience of close fellowship with Christians. it’s the same feeling I feel when I have HTHTs with jiahui also <3
I feel like I have so much to be thankful for in my life that I don’t have the negative energy to feel bad for myself regarding a major incident that happened recently (which I haven’t actually told anyone about except for bestie, veggie and meimei). I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to talk about it cuz I was scared of the feelings coming back. but ok lah I guess I’ll tell Jiahui tmr ˆᴗˆ
tmr will be a better day^^ #yay
I probably said before that in sem1 I was very antisocial in school. I never made friends with anyone unless (a) they approached me first and (b) I had good vibes from them (which is purely subjective and dependent on my mood that day). but being a cultivated extrovert, I found myself having to suppress the urge to make friends and open up to new ppl.
this sem I decided that I shouldn’t be so bad to ppl who wanna make friends with me. so I became a bit more sociable. I’ve made more friends in uni but the cool thing is that I’ve also reconnected with many old friends which is pretty amazing. I guess it all started from my birthday. ˆᴗˆ
but as usual my birthday wasn’t 100% fantastic. I argued with my parents quite badly. maybe it’s a sign? HAHAHA.
for the past few days I’ve been feeling really stressed about not being able to follow the schedule that I planned for myself. and missing classes cuz I couldn’t catch up with other modules. I seem to always be playing the catch-up game. I hope I will stay sane until the end of this semester.
was ranting to my friends about these and through talking about it I kinda managed to organize my thoughts. and I realized that I’m actually going in the direction of where I want to be? it sounds crazy cuz I’m falling behind in school and all but. I spend time with friends, caring for them and talking to them. I prioritise friends over academics.
and that should always be the case.
maybe I need a few more months to solidify my foundation (since I came in with no programming experience at all). maybe I need to pre-read my textbooks before sem starts so I do not have such a hard time trying to internalise the concepts. maybe I need to give up all my other commitments (e.g. voices, teaching tuition) and just focus on uni. maybe I need this time to figure out how I want to manage my acads in uni (e.g. studying methods, how I schedule my work).
all I’ve just said, I’ve decided to do. but what’s most impt is that I NEED to continue to put in my best, then let God do the rest. I need to rely on Him for strength, wisdom and hope. I need to trust that He provides all that I need.
I need to seek Him.
cool ah, seriously.