paranoia

thank God for my friends Veggie and Ting who knocked some sense into me ytd. got myself into some deep shit cuz I was just trying to be nice (and also obviously didn’t know how to say no). 

thought I could abandon some preconceived notions but turns out that nope, stereotypes are there for a reason and generalisations should not be taken lightly all the time. 

hope that I got myself out of this horrible mess. still feeling extremely traumatised by what happened together with being disgusted and freaked out by how animalistic one can be. 

I don’t think I will be able to have peace in my heart at least for the next few weeks. 

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intuition

it’s times like these when I just find it difficult to distinguish between an intuition and just overthinking. 

what’s worse is that my intuition has become quite strong over the years. so maybe it’s just me trying to find a reason not to accept the fact that my intuition is right and things are just not the way I expected them to be. 

one of my greatest fears is to be unappreciated for what I do, and I guess I feel that’s what happening right now. and as long as one day I confirm this theory, I will shrink away. the truth is that I am worn out and on the verge of collapsing. I’m feeling so alone. 

I guess I kinda brought it upon myself too, not socialising much and ending up with fewer close friends I can get support from. and when all of these close friends are unavailable (like now), the desolation becomes quite overwhelming. 

I really think God is trying to train me to be emotionally independent and stop relying on my service to other people to feed my ego. so maybe my greatest fear is to be discarded when I am no longer of use to someone. 

please let me be overthinking. 

drury lane

first time going to drury lane to do some work today. I’ve been wanting to go there since like, forever? we’ll see how it goes. hope it’ll be good ˆᴗˆ

I’ve been working with a bunch of not-so-enthu ppl nowadays. seriously this is not an insult but more like just a matter-of-fact kind of thing? and the truth is on the other hand I could be overly enthu sometimes? (just a disclaimer cuz I dun mean to hurt anyone)

but I still like my way of doing things I guess. like planning early so I can take care of complications calmly and systematically. and the attention to detail. but it’s also because I’m a perfectionist HAHA. 

anyway was quite productive doing work at drury lane ˆᴗˆ and I really really like that it has WiFi and quite a few power sockets. the coffee was really good too. manage to write minutes of previous comm meeting as well as do some Orbital and batch outing related stuff ^^

currently otw home to play tennis with my dad. and I’m watching Emergency Couple these days cuz I have run out of RM episodes to re-watch. My faves are the Prison Break Yoomes Bond one, the Flower Boy one with Kim Soo Hyun, the Superpower Best of the Best one and the one with Kim Byung Man and gym karaoke. of course there are more but probably less memorable as compared to the ones I mentioned. kinda regret catching up with RM episodes. I initially wanted to just savour the experience and watch a few episodes per week (max) but somehow I just decided to rush through everything and now I have caught up with the latest episode and I’m bored :(

#firstworldproblems

anyway I wanted to watch a movie today but I am not impressed by the movies that they are currently showing in the cinema leh. was thinking about The Man Who Knew Infinity but the trailer is like meh. Me Before You doesn’t appeal to me as well. and I’ve alr watched Young and Fabulous (which exceeded my expectations) and Equals (which had pretty good cinematography. and a part of it was shot in Singapore! yay!). waiting for Finding Dory to come out… 

anyway I’m almost reaching home and I’d like to get some shut-eye now (I was working on the computer for the past few hours :P) so I’ll update again soon! ˆᴗˆ

the good dinosaur

amazing movie. the visuals are seriously fantastic. extremely beautiful scenery.

the first time i watched it was at the cinema and i cried at this part.

the second time i watch it on putlocker i am still crying at this part.

brilliant and mesmerizing character animation. so intricate and detailed.

i think overall why this movie is the lowest-grossing Pixar film is because the story seems very mediocre. i wouldn’t disagree with it cuz i also think that the main thing that stayed with me after this movie was the beautiful visuals and that’s it. for films like Ratatouille (everyone can cook) and Inside Out (an exploration of the human brain + sadness is important too?) it is easy to remember the main plot and the moral. but for The Good Dinosaur even the name of the film doesn’t really tell me anything about the movie which is about growing up and becoming stronger(?). but this is still one of my favourite Pixar films cuz personally it gave me a lot of inspiration and really made me confirm my dream of wanting become a Technical Director for an animation studio in the future. and considering the fact that i rarely tear up watching movies and dramas etc., the fact that this scene made me tear up again on a re-watch is kinda impressive :)

many ppl get reminded of the Carl and Ellie montage(?) from Up whenever they are asked to think about a touching scene from a Pixar film. i must say that indeed that scene was pretty awesome too but it was more story-based (like moving from one scene to another very quickly showcasing the elapse of time – and kinda giving viewers the feeling that they were only together for a very short time although technically it’s until old age?) as compared to this scene from The Good Dinosaur which was subtle and impactful in the sense that it was more acting-based(?) (made more elaborate use of facial expressions and subtle body language to show emotions) and story duration is in conjunction with discourse duration? so we really feel immersed into the scene in real-time, bringing out the mixed emotions (e.g. when Spot and the family first meet, when Arlo sees that Spot has found another family). and i am feeling a bit hesitant of just embedding the clip here because i feel that there are many instances where it will be more impactful if one has watched the entire movie until this scene. whereas for the Carl and Ellie montage except for the Adventure Book and what it is about, it’s pretty intuitive for anyone who hasn’t watched the beginning of Up to understand what is going on.

extremely well choreographed scene. Arlo smiles as he frowns at 1:03 showing his mixed emotions. i guess if his facial expressions stood out more it would have been more obvious. just before Spot runs back to him he sighs and straightens his neck(?) at 1:25 in resolution that he wanted Spot to have this new family. he pushes Spot back to the family. Spot comes back to hug him at 2:00 but he pushes him back again, this time even closer to the family. and he draws a circle around Spot and his family and this is the part where i crumble into tears :'( and u see that Spot also does the same thing at 2:35 where he smiles and frowns in acknowledgement. and he rushes over to Arlo and to hug him and this time Arlo does not push him away but Spot moves back to the family by himself at 2:46. and the last part is even more amazing when the daddy holds his hand at 3:02 and Spot actually stands up for probably the first time in the whole film and walks (and not crawl) with his family to his new home. this symbolizes how he is embracing civilisation(?) hahaha but also more like a new start to life. (i might have spoiled the mood by talking about civilisation i’m sorry HAHAHHA) this scene is so brilliant i can’t even.