6 years

end of the year is approaching… soon it will be 6 years since i first fell for u. during these 6 years i’ve tried to date other ppl but no one has ever succeeded in replacing ur place in my heart, even with all the romance.

i guess deep down in my heart i will always have the hope that we’ll one day be together. i really miss those days – every day i felt like i was living a dream. the thing is, i feel emotions very strongly and i get really affected by things that happen between us.

hence, i’m afraid of u. i have deleted all ur messages and thrown away all the stuff u gave me. but i find myself constantly getting reminded of u over every little thing and sometimes i’m ok with it but a lot of times it just cripples me. like now.

but i still thank God for giving me the emotional capacity to love u so tenderly. because of u, i can no longer imagine being together with someone, because the someone would never be u.

but miracles do exist, don’t they?

fav song

i know i raved about this song probably a few years ago in this space.

but omgosh i find myself falling in love with this song again.

it has such an epic cinematic feel to it. and it means so much to us Christians.

if u are a Christian and u don’t mind metal, GO LISTEN TO THIS SONG NOW.

even if u are not a Christian, still GO LISTEN TO THIS SONG NOW.

 

the first time i heard this song i was a bit creeped out by the devil-worshipping chants.

but u kinda get used to it after a while after listening to the song a few times.

it’s basically feels like i’m listening to a movie. and i use my imagination to paint the scenes according to the feel of the music (e.g. pacing, instruments) and lyrics. super cool.

FAV SONG NOT JUST BECAUSE IT HAS A WONDERFUL ENDING BUT I WOULD ADMIT THE ENDING WAS QUITE A DETERMINING FACTOR HEHE.

come on, an epic song about a journey back to Christ. how can i not love it???

what a waste of food

she obviously didn’t learn from her lesson.

i mean so many ppl commented that they were wasting food…

jianhao commented: “I don’t know why we thought this was a good idea… >( ”

here we go again.

don’t get me wrong. i think naomi has some good points.

and i follow her a lot. i would even call myself a closet fan.

but this video made me so disappointed.

i’m trying not to generalize the rich and materialistic but does the environment even mean anything to them???

emo post

it’s true. this is going to be an emo post.

just replied the longest essay to a “hey hows life?” from an old friend. and then i broke down.

so many things have happened recently. i guess my mind has learnt how to suppress negative feelings so that i can carry on with my life and not having to spend time overcoming the trauma of every setback. but i guess talking about the things which happened tends to make those feelings resurface.

basically what happened is that apparently a construction worker decided to take a picture of me from behind when i was wearing a skirt on a windy day. i felt extremely offended and disgusted. and now thinking back about the incident i’m seriously thinking of not wearing skirts ever again. it’s really just inviting trouble.

and as i’ve mentioned in my previous posts i’ve been screwing up my studies and i just can’t stand to face my TAs and their disappointed faces and listen to their disappointed comments. i guess the incident from Sec 4 really conditioned me into someone who CANNOT stand herself disappointing others.

a few weeks ago i would feel insulted if someone told me that i’m not computer science-material but at the moment i totally and completely agree. it’s ironic that i’m doing so much better in philo (and surprisingly better than a lot of the FASS people). perhaps i should have chosen FASS. even if it doesn’t align as well with my aspirations.

i feel really really broken and i yearn for a more mature Christian mentor to support me right now. unfortunately, i no longer have one. and at this rate i’m going with regards to my church attendance, i probably never will.