triple h

omgosh i super love this mv????? i know it’s seems quite screwed up and stuff but it’s so SICK man. actually E’Dawn and Hui are my favourite members from Pentagon. they are also super good friends ˆᴗˆ

i think this will become my favourite group for a while because it seems really awesome. all its members are just so talented and so EC-able haha. but E’Dawn tho. E’Dawn is truly amazing. like he’s really photogenic. and his facial expressions are just on point.

i dun think this MV necessarily promotes like bad stuff… i mean the main characters commit suicide in the end so i think this MV can be viewed in a way like yes u wanna take this kind of risks in life but u are driving urself to ur own death.

anyway one reason why i prefer to make children’s films in the future is because idw to be imparting screwed up moral values into young innocent minds. but then again i realize children’s stories are actually not as pure as we all expect hmmmm…

idk i just find this MV so nice to watch cuz of its cinematography and the acting and all. and the immoral acts kinda just make it more sophisticated? i thought Roll Deep MV was really bad.

although ppl are not pleased with the concept now, there are comments that claim ppl will eventually be ok with it cuz more and more companies will likely take on this concept. which is kinda sad in a way but.

omgosh they are so gorgeousssssss


all things are possible

most ppl are shocked at my exam schedule: tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday (all consecutive) then next tuesday. honestly i feel that all of these is a blur. like a calm kind of blur. ok sorry if that completely did not make sense haha. 

but it’s just a little sprint lor. for now. until i crumble haha. tbh i think i thrive better in sprints like these as compared to long marathons. which is interesting because i used to be better at long distance running.

2 down, 3 more to go hahaha. there’s no one else so hardcore i know so this is really a battle that i have to fight alone. i’m sick and i keep coughing non-stop. a bit antisocial nowadays because i dun wanna spread the germs. maybe i should just wear a mask for the rest of my exams hmm. 

the thing is i should probably stay at home but my productivity level is seriously ridiculously low when i’m at home, no joke. i’m quite scared that my illness will become more and more severe hmm. shucks. 

mp 魔幻力量

got to know of this band from ylbfb a few years back and thought that they were pretty cool. this was the song they performed which impressed me hehe.

i think i’m too old to learn new songs nowadays. i don’t follow the new english / chinese songs anymore actually. as for kpop i’m quite selective… depends on the group. ok i guess i still follow hyuna’s music super closely. and all her associated acts (troublemaker, 4minute and this new subunit called triple h). but sigh 4 minute has disbanded and troublemaker is super inactive nowadays zzz.

but this is why i always run out of music to listen to (i don’t listen to the radio either) so sometimes i go back to the old songs. recently i’ve been listening more of mp 魔幻力量 again. and i was so shocked to realize that they did not release any new stuff since the last time i checked them out (which was a few years ago) :O

so i went to google them just now and found out that they went through some real drama omgosh. some stuff copied from wikipedia:

2015年11月4日在日本發行首張日文精選輯,首波主打為日文版的《我還是愛著你》、《射手》。(this was legit the period i checked them out and these were the exact songs they were promoting at that time)

2016年1月,前主唱嘎嘎因被媒體拍到在街頭與Popu Lady團員寶兒有親密舉動,並因半年內連犯兩錯,遭到經紀公司相信音樂退團處分;(shucks omgosh) 24日,第11屆KKBOX風雲榜是嘎嘎在MP魔幻力量的最後一場演出,31日正式退團。另,主唱廷廷因為壓力大引起憂鬱症,出席第11屆KKBOX風雲榜演出後,團體活動全面暫停。(:O)

2016年2月13日,前鼓手阿翔在團體官方臉書發文宣佈,因為個人人生及生涯規畫等因素,正式退出MP魔幻力量。不久後被爆料,與妻子陳艾琳籌備婚禮前(2015年3月秘密登記結婚),和女粉絲發生性行為,被大批網友砲轟,而事發後在IG發文道歉。(whoa seriously)

2016年4月8日,主唱廷廷於個人臉書發文與唱片公司、團員及歌迷「告別」,疑似退出MP魔幻力量[3],隨後相信音樂表示,廷廷只是暫退演藝圈休養,並非退團。而在7月初,MP於團體官方臉書發文宣佈將在超犀利趴合體復出。[4] (omgosh phew)

2016年7月30日,MP魔幻力量於超犀利趴演唱會合體演出,此次表演為1月24日最後一次六人合體後,首次以四人復出。(oh man…)

btw please pardon my very random exclamations peppered within the wikipedia text haha. was just trying to have more interaction with u guys.

but ya. apparently they went through a round of tours in 2016 so ok lah i guess they are recovering from all the drama :) hope they will release new songs soon heehee. ^^ (btw fun fact: they are 五月天’s juniors)

i really recommend their songs because they are quite legit. as in for the mainstream scene i think they are very good. cuz i feel nowadays the chinese music scene the music generally not as nice anymore. so.

decided to share this with y’all now because i just realized i have some time to update hehe. cuz i just found out i have 5 days to study for st2131 LOL. so can chill a bit lol.

ok this is my fav song of theirs:

enjoy!!!! :)

the ability to feel

i am someone who feels emotions very strongly. however, emotions tend to lead to unproductiveness especially for my field. so emotions are something i generally try to avoid. as such, i try to avoid ppl and situations which make me feel bad about myself. but sometimes the braver side of me takes over and i set crazy problems for myself with the wishful thinking that i can overcome the major obstacles along the way.

maybe one of the reasons why i tend to feel shitty is because i am a perfectionist. i am actually idealistic by nature though a cultivated pragmatist. i guess i secretly want ppl to acknowledge me for being awesome. but the thing is right now i am not. at least when i was in sec 3 and 4 i was busy serving the church. at least in jc my grades were screwed up but i was dedicated towards my friends and cared for them so much. at least when i was working i could proudly say that a few little ones saw me as a legit ‘close friend’.

but now i’m nothing. i can’t program well, nor can i do math. i’m too noob at filmmaking. my relationship with my family is still shitty and i still make my parents worry sick about me. i generally do not acknowledge old acquaintances in school because i am still paranoid that they cannot recognise me. i don’t even text my friends as often. i do not love anyone as strongly anymore. i do not dedicate time developing any skill / interest. i also do not spend enough time on my studies. and i do not go to church anymore. 

the thing is i could have chosen an easier route. i could have taken an easier course that i was alr good at. i could have continued in choir. i could have just left Singapore to study overseas so i didn’t have to deal with my family and old acquaintances. i could have continued to be with the person who truly loved and cared about me. but i chose the harder path. the path which promises setbacks, failure, loneliness, low self-esteem, judgment from ppl, failure, segmentation faults, sexism, low job security… i mean i can go on forever.

so maybe i’m not that much of a wimp after all. i make stupid choices simply because i have dreams, and i want to achieve them. i choose the hard path because i trust my gut feelings and my inner voices. i guess i am much braver than i thought. and also perhaps more stupid, but so what? seems to work leh. 

recently i got the first script i ever wrote to be funded. i also got a legit internship to work on a local feature film. i managed to lead a software engineering team of computing students (all with at least 2 years more experience than me) to create a legit task manager application, with me ending up writing as much code as them. i managed to survive overloading myself with 6 core mods (including one level-4000) in 1 sem and cca sessions at an average of 2 sessions every week. 

although i am still far from my expectations of myself, i know i am getting there ˆᴗˆ i might be someone who feels strongly and i tend to hate myself for it, but i know my strong emotions tell me who i am and what i stand for. as such, my strong emotions guide me towards who i wanna be. they help me stop and re-evaluate my life, refine my goals and redirect myself to achieve them. ironically, without strong emotions, depression would probably have killed me. 

well. ˆᴗˆ

new love?

i’ve officially gotten over fossil (nope, i don’t think this is a self-delusion) because i’ve found myself developing feelings for another guy recently. 

he is genuine, intelligent, sensitive, inquisitive, charismatic, dependable, humble, selfless, articulate, easy-going, straightforward and super real. 

i know i totally sound like a 16-year-old teenage girl gushing over her crush. i mean it’s been pretty long since i last experienced being like this. i guess there is that excitement and happiness ˆᴗˆ

but one good thing about being fossilised was that i was rendered incapable of falling for anyone else and hence there was no possibility for me to like the wrong person and not be able to do anything about it. 

although my crush(? …haven’t used this term on myself for very long) is amazing, i definitely cannot be with him because he is not Christian and i also don’t think he’ll ever want to migrate to America. 

for the rest of the time i think i will have to learn how to cope with these feelings of infatuation(?) until they subside one day. one bad side of this is that these feelings are highly distracting and might affect my studies by giving me terrible mood swings. 

seems like it doesn’t matter who i like, fossil or this new crush. i will still not be able to focus properly. shucks… 

crazy mode

i know i’m going to crash this week haish. so many things due. twin mod is terrible. never ever overload and take twin mod. it will turn u insane. waiting for JUnit tests to finish running so i have a little bit of time to update here.

anyway i am a bit embarrassed to say that i have been replaying this song over and over again. i thought it was a stupid song but the more i listen to it the cuter i think it is. i think this happens for many songs that i listen to. oops.

anyway jiayou to me!! hopefully i can blog really soon ><

i know you.

i’ve decided to be as honest as possible in this space. i will not care about whether my coworkers or future employers judge me because of what i reveal about myself. we all have our own struggles; mine are just the less relatable kind. 

the truth is that i’m weak. i know it. i’m not going to put up a front and pretend everything is fine when they are not. 

emotionally, i have become much stronger. but depression left me a huge pile of problems to settle. i neglected, pushed away, ignored and disappointed people. as a result, there weren’t many left. 

but for those acquaintances i used to have, sometimes i still see them now. and i realize that i’m really unable to talk to them anymore. 

at the start of uni i tried to acknowledge an ex-classmate. she could not recognise my face. when i told her who i was, she did not remember me either. reality hit me hard: i had lost touch with so many ppl. i literally gave up and just walked off. i think i even went to the toilet to cry. 

i know this incident haunted me since. because i no longer try to reunite with people of the past. 

i know there is this girl in my faculty from nanyang. we used to be acquaintances who would say hi whenever we saw each other etc. i think we made some small talk sometimes. but when uni started and she realized i was not acknowledging her, she felt puzzled and talked to a mutual friend about it. even when i got to know of her feelings, i still couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge her again. 

so now we are still basically strangers even though we already attended many computing classes together these 2 years. when we see each other, we just ignore. 

and recently i met another old acquaintance at point & shoot. my reaction when i found out that he was a participant was just to sigh, and then pretend not to recognise him. even when he was registering, i did not dare to 相认 with him at all. 

basically i treated him as an ordinary participant. and i thought he treated me as an ordinary stranger as well, because he didn’t seem to recognise me. 

but when the participants came out again from LT14 after the theme was released, at some point i saw that he was looking in my direction intently. i don’t know if that means that he actually did recognise me, and was wondering why i was not acknowledging him. hopefully not, because he probably would have felt hurt. 

to the people i’m currently ignoring:

i’m really very sorry. y’all definitely don’t deserve this kind of treatment from me. but i’m just extremely haunted by the past. as a result, i am really scared of going back. pls understand that i lost touch with y’all for so long and i don’t know patch everything up again. if u recognised me (or if u ever recognise me in the future) and wish to reconnect, please reach out to me. i’m sorry but i’ll need u to take the initiative. but if u do, i promise i’ll definitely respond. ˆᴗˆ

anyway to the participant: i enjoyed ur film. all the best and i hope u win ^^